The One Where We Found Our Own Financial Way

I'm a person torn between two personalities - fascinated by finance, yet often wishing I didn’t have to deal with it at all. Still, I’m always mesmerized by how people talk about money and how everyone manages it - whether alone or, even more interestingly, as a couple or family. I feel like every post about money, whether on blogs or social media, can be validating for someone else who does things the same way. So maybe this will help someone, too.

My Childhood with Money

We didn’t have much money growing up. My parents divorced when I was 11, so my mom was on her own (though my dad paid child support; that wasn’t the issue). We couldn’t afford vacations abroad with her, but we went to lots of summer camps, which was amazing. We spent a lot of time at a cottage with family and took smaller vacations within our country, and it was always lovely. We shopped in secondhand stores - a habit I still keep. I think it’s a great way to save money, reduce waste, and be kind to the planet. We had a good life and nothing was missing, but I think I always felt money was a little tight, and that feeling has stuck with me to this day.

Two Families, Two Money Styles

On the other hand, we traveled abroad with my dad, who had more money because he owned his own small business. But he and his new wife also traveled a lot without us, often visiting much more exotic countries - places I could only dream of seeing at the time. I never really understood why they didn’t take us along. I didn’t know anyone else whose parents did the same, but I’ve come to terms with it. There’s more I could share about my relationship with my dad, but that’s the subject of almost every therapy session I have - and too complex for this post (and maybe even for a blog).

He and his wife have a totally different approach to money than I do now, and even than I did back then (and most people I know, too). They aren’t big savers - they just use money differently. A good example is one vacation we took: seven people (him, his wife, me, my then-boyfriend (now husband), his wife’s kids, and one of their friends), one car (which was hell), traveling thousands of kilometers to Greece with no real plans - no booked accommodation, just going with the flow. That might work for two people, but hardly for seven. We spent hours searching for accommodation near the sea (impossible, though I couldn’t explain that to my father).

A side note: we were told we’d wait to eat until we found accommodation. We didn’t have any food, and as it really took about four hours to find a place (not near the sea) after hours of driving, the food came so late. I was starving, and it totally messed up my whole body (even my period) for the next couple of weeks. So yes, that’s why I always have a snack with me now - a remnant of the worst vacation of my life.

Back to money on that vacation: we went to a restaurant just once at the beginning. Then they realized what it costs to feed seven people in a restaurant, and we didn’t go out again the whole trip - we just cooked simple meals wherever possible. I wouldn’t have minded if that was the overall vibe of the vacation - like if we’d had a proper kitchen in the apartment to cook in (which my husband and I do a lot, and I really like it). But that wasn’t the case.

A few years later, I went on vacation with my in-laws to Spain, and the four of us spent about as much in restaurants as the seven of us did in Greece. My in-laws were wonderful about treating us - they encouraged us to order dessert or to go out to dinner every night - but they didn’t overspend; it’s just that Greece is cheaper. And for example, in Greece, we’d often just get water for everyone, while in Spain, we could all have whatever we wanted. It was eye-opening for me to see that vacations abroad could be done differently - enjoyable and generous, but still not extravagant.

How We Handle Money as a Couple

I just celebrated nine years with my husband! I can’t believe it’s been that long - one-third of my life. And the topic of money has never been an issue in our relationship. We have different approaches: I’m the saver. I explained all my family history with money to him, and he was on that “memorable” vacation in Greece with us, so he gets it. Over the years, though, he’s taught me that it’s okay to buy something just because I want it - not only because I need it (I don’t have to write it on my wish list and wait for someone to get it for my birthday, for example). He’s also shown me that some things are worth spending more on, like quality food or clothes. After nine years, I’m proud to say that I sometimes do this now! Yes, it’s taken this long, and I still feel like I’m just beginning. 

That’s also why my husband handles a lot of things like paying for vacations, restaurants, and activities - because I would protest if I saw how much it costs. He knows me so well. This way, I get to enjoy everything without worrying about the price tag. Fortunately, he’s not the type to overspend - he’s just… normal, I’d say.

I also realize that learning to be comfortable with spending is much easier because both my husband and I have above-average incomes - not extremely high, but decent. Knowing that we actually have the money for these things takes away a lot of the anxiety I might otherwise feel about spending. It’s a privilege, and I don’t take it for granted.

Our Simple Money System

Over the years, we usually didn’t care who paid for what - sometimes I paid for shopping, sometimes he did. During college, when we still lived with our parents, it didn’t really matter. Over time, it naturally evolved into a simple system:

• I save and invest.
• He pays the bills and basically everything else.

Maybe it doesn’t sound fair, but it works perfectly for us, mainly for the reasons I explained earlier. I like having a savings account full of money so I know that when anything happens, we’re ready. I also love seeing investments grow. So a big part of my paycheck goes into investments, and almost everything else goes into savings. I usually pay for just three things: sometimes groceries, insurance, and gifts for almost everyone. And because of the savings account, I cover anything big that’s needed - like the custom wardrobe we ordered when we moved into our home.

My husband has his own savings account, but just for emergencies or things he needs to buy soon. He pays for everything else: the mortgage, utilities, all other bills, vacations, and most of the groceries. For everyday food shopping, we primarily use my meal vouchers, and if those run out, we pay from our current accounts - sometimes he shops, sometimes I do.

We don’t have a joint account. We both have our own, mainly because we’re too lazy to set one up and there aren’t really good options here. We don’t mind - we talk openly about everything, we’re not shy to ask for money, and I regularly show my husband the investment portfolio we have. We’re just happy with our system.

We also don’t track spending - we roughly know how much we spend on everything, and we usually just don’t spend much aside from standard payments and bills. There was a time when I wanted to track everything, but I realized that would be so much work, so that phase ended quickly.

But we do have a financial advisor. She’s absolutely the best. I don’t understand money, investments, insurance - any of it. I’m just happy to see a good interest rate on my savings account. So she manages almost everything for us. She also introduced us to the 10-20-30-40 method, which I think is really good and which we try to implement. The rules are:

• 10% should go to a short-term reserve for unplanned expenses, like car repairs or a new washing machine. This should be in your savings account so it’s immediately available when needed. I’ve heard it’s recommended to have six months of expenses in your savings account.
• 20% goes to a long-term reserve. These are investments - money that works for you and your dreams, and also protects you in case of something less pleasant, like accidents or illnesses.
• 30% is for living expenses. In our case, that’s the mortgage and other bills; for others, it might be rent.
• 40% is for everyday consumption - groceries, hobbies and sports, vacations, pets, children’s classes, etc.

Currently, we have just a few big financial goals: to save for a baby (enough for me to be comfortably at home with the newborn, suddenly with just one income), to invest part of our money to pay off the mortgage someday, and to secure our future. Anything above that is for us to use as we want or need in the moment - like a new gate, a shelter for the car, or a nice vacation.

Talking About Money in Relationships

If you’re not used to talking about money, it can feel awkward - especially if you’re sensitive or have different backgrounds. But I’ve learned that open conversations about money are one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Here’s what’s helped us, plus a few extra ideas that might make it easier for you too:

1. Start small and casual. You don’t have to sit down for a big, formal “money talk” right away. Sometimes it’s easier to bring up little things in everyday life - like sharing a story about how your parents handled money, or mentioning something you’re saving for. These small conversations can build trust and make bigger topics feel less intimidating over time.
2. Be honest, even if it feels weird. If you’re worried about money, say so. If you want to save more, or you feel anxious about spending, let your partner know. It’s not about blaming - just sharing. I’ve found that saying “I feel nervous about this” or “This is hard for me to talk about” actually makes the conversation easier, not harder.
3. Share your “money stories.” We all have a history with money - good, bad, or somewhere in between. Telling your partner about your childhood experiences, or why you feel the way you do about saving or spending, can help them understand you better. My husband knows all about my family’s ups and downs with money, and it helps him “get” why I am the way I am.
4. Find your own system. There’s no one right way for couples to manage money. Some split everything, some pool it all, some do a mix. It’s okay if your system looks different from your friends’ or your parents’. What matters is that it feels fair and comfortable for both of you. And if it stops working? Change it! We’ve adjusted our approach more than once as our lives changed.
5. Make it a regular thing (but keep it low-pressure). We don’t have formal “money meetings,” but we talk about our goals and plans whenever something big comes up. Sometimes it’s just a quick chat in the car or over coffee. If you like more structure, you can set a regular time to check in - maybe once a month or every few months - to talk about savings, goals, or anything that’s worrying you.
6. Be kind to each other. Money can bring up a lot of emotions - fear, shame, guilt, even pride. Try to listen without judging, and remember that you’re on the same team. If one of you makes a mistake or feels embarrassed, offer support instead of criticism. It’s much easier to tackle challenges together when you feel safe.
7. Set shared goals, but respect differences. It’s great to have joint goals (like saving for a trip or a house), but it’s also okay to have your own priorities. Maybe one of you loves travel and the other wants a big emergency fund. Talk about what matters to each of you and look for ways to support both.
8. Ask for help if you need it. If money conversations always end in stress or arguments, it’s okay to get outside help. A financial advisor, counselor, or even a trusted friend can offer a new perspective or help you find a system that works.

Most of all, remember that talking about money isn’t just about numbers - it’s about feeling safe, supported, and understood. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier with practice. And every honest conversation brings you a little closer, both financially and emotionally.