I have a question: Is it normal to talk about oneself without being asked? I'm usually in situations with people where we make small talk or just chat, for example, with friends. And I'm the one who asks additional questions about other people's stories and lives. I do this for two main reasons - I feel it's polite to engage with people and let them know through these questions that I'm listening, and because I'm usually genuinely interested.
But friends don't do that for me, practically never. So I always wonder, is it okay to talk about myself? Just like that, suddenly, without being asked? Are they even interested in me? Or are they used to talking about themselves, and it's okay with them to just talk about that? Or are they used to people just talking about anything they want, so they expect me to talk about myself if I want?
I have two problems with this. First, I usually really think people aren't interested. I mainly mean my friends - I'm starting to think about things more because of therapy (as I mentioned in one of my previous posts), and for example, some colleagues ask me how I am or what I did during the weekend, and they seem truly interested. Or, if my friends ask anything, I feel like it's just a courtesy and after one short answer for me the attention is on them again.
Second, I don't have the ability to talk in an interesting and engaging way. Whenever I talk to people (and I think one of the main reasons is that I think they're not interested in what I'm saying), I can't find words (not just proper words, sometimes I lose standard words like "table" or "bread", great brain I have), and my story seems absolutely like garbage and like nothing notable. I don't know how to explain it. But I'm thinking about taking a rhetoric course at work, and maybe it will help.
Another related problem is that I don't know what to do with silence. I don't like silence; I find almost all silences between people weird, and I tend to fill the silence with some talk. But that usually involves something stupid like small talk about weather, or I start asking questions. That usually helps - I find out something new and interesting about the other person, and there's no silence anymore. But I sometimes want to talk about my life and share my stories too. And I feel like I can't because almost nobody cares, or I can't tell my story very well.
Of course, I'm usually just happy listening to other people. But sometimes, when I have a story to share (for example, when I had a really bad day, or when my friend bought a wedding dress that I chose for her to try), I just don't. However, I hope I can learn this skill. One of the things on my bucket list (if I had one) would be to learn to talk better (rhetoric).
And for today's educational part: Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety and Building Confidence in Conversations
Do you ever feel nervous about speaking up in conversations? You're not alone! Social anxiety can make it tough to express ourselves, especially if we worry about what others might think. Here are a few strategies that can help:
- Prepare Ahead: If you know you'll be in a situation where you might feel anxious, prepare some conversation starters or topics you're comfortable discussing. This can help you feel more confident.
- Practice Mindfulness: Take a few deep breaths before entering a conversation. Mindfulness can help calm your nerves and make you more present in the moment.
- Focus on Others: Instead of worrying about what you'll say, focus on listening to others. Asking questions and showing genuine interest can take the spotlight off you and make conversations feel more natural.
- Take Small Steps: Start small by engaging in low-stakes conversations, like chatting with a cashier or saying hello to a neighbor. Gradually build up to more significant interactions.
By using these strategies, you can become more comfortable and confident in conversations. Remember, it's okay to make mistakes - they're all part of the learning process!
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